The Singleness Gospel

What to say about 365 days of “intentional singleness?” Way too much for one blog post that’s for sure, but I will try to pull out the highlights.

If you are just tuning in to this chapter in my life, I will summarize briefly. A year ago, the Lord placed the idea (of spending a year without the option of dating) on my heart because I was struggling to find my identity outside of singleness. I have been single my entire life and had let it own me. I let the enemy in, whispering lies that I would never be secure until I had been affirmed or chosen by a man. I would sit and idolize future relationships (with guys who had no interest in me), because in this hallucination, I would be “complete” and happy. Then (and only then), I would “fit in” and all my insecurities would magically fall away.

In the first several months of this singleness journey, the Lord healed me from these scarring thoughts and insecurities. Looking back, I visualize these months as if I was living with a God-shaped bubble around me. I felt so protected and secure within the Lord as He began working on patching these wounds that society, the enemy, and I had created. I started learning more about claiming an identity that is not of this world.

Then, the new year in January brought with it new problems. Now that I was healed of past wounds and had a new identity, God began digging deep and showing me other areas of my heart that were causing problems outwardly. I learned about my incredibly selfish nature, my persistent fear of sharing my soul with anyone, and my false self who enjoyed making herself known in any situation possible. It was quite unpleasant realizing how deep my imperfections are weaved.

As I have written about previously, I tried to fix all these things that the Lord was revealing to me, but it wasn’t happening. With encouragement of those around me (including you guys!), I realized that these problems don’t just become fixed (especially by me); it’s way more beautiful than that. It is a life-long endeavor in which the Father invites you to come into relationship with Him, and let Him do the work. It’s humble surrender – coming to our Father, knowing that we will never be able to do this on our own.

There’s truly nothing more beautiful than that.

//

I am not the same person I was 365 days ago. As I recently explained to a friend in a letter, there have been two distinct points in my life when I could tell I was not the same person before and after a “journey.” The first time is when I studied abroad in New Zealand in 2012. This trip really gave me the chance to open-up, and crawl out of the shell that I had locked myself in for so many years. I had found a new identity. And although it was rooted in the world, it still gave me the chance to grow and become confident in this new person. For the first time it was not influenced by my parents, or by those around me; it was mine.

But this last year in Spokane has been even more life-altering. As I have discussed in previous blogs, I have found my renewed identity in Christ in the past few years… But this move to Spokane has enabled me to live confidently into this identity unlike I have ever had the opportunity to before. I have finally tapped into the “me” that God has created me to be. There is so much freedom, beauty, and peace found within this space. I believe God asked me to examine my idol of future relationship because I would not have been able to fully see all that He had to reveal to me in this year (and beyond) with it in the way. I have explained it as a “fog” that was obscuring the view of my True self. God had so much to show me, but I couldn’t see anything until the fog was lifted.

The question I have been asked most frequently in this past month is, “so what’s next?” If I had an answer for that I would tell you, but I don’t. It is in the Lord’s hands, not mine. (Praise Jesus!) I can say that I am not expecting to be swept up instantly, especially now that I “dedicated this year to the Lord.” I do want to make that clear. There are myths surrounding the Christian church that “as soon as you’re satisfied with God alone, He’ll bring someone special into your life” (I stole this from Paige Benton Brown – via Tim Keller – in an awesome article, found here.) And not going to lie, I believed that for a long time.

But that’s not why I did this. I didn’t endure a year of intentional singleness in hopes of receiving a boyfriend at the end of it. I did it because God asked me to. And in return He blessed me with more than I could have ever imagined. In this year, God revealed to me who I am, who He is, and what this beautiful gift of relationship is all about. I feel more grateful than ever before, knowing how much Jesus gave up to be in relationship with me. In this year I learned how to love, knowing how loved I am by my Creator. For the first time, I am able to see myself through His eyes: beautiful, precious, and powerful.

And through it all, I was blessed to have such a supportive community there every step of the way. In a year that culture would claim to be the “most lonely,” I felt more loved, more seen, more heard, and more cared for than ever before.

So, after 365 days of interntional singleness, do I think I will be single forever? No, I don’t – but it doesn’t mean that God is any less good to me.

And that, my friends, is the Singleness Gospel.

–maddy.