Feed My Sheep

For some reason, I have always had this feeling that I would die young.

I can’t explain it, but I just figured since I can never picture my future, this means I will die young. (Who knows why I think these weird things I do…) I also thought my life could best impact others when I die. I think of all the people that I have known who have died at a young age and they were all the kindest, nicest people I knew. After their death, their friends and family who survived them strived to live life to the fullest and not take anything for granted.

How inspirational, right?? This person who was no longer breathing could somehow exhale life through those closest to them. But the more I thought about it, how could this be true for me? If my main purpose in life is to try to grow the kingdom of God, how could I possibly do this more effectively when I am buried underground?

Right before I left for my road trip last September, I had some questionable test results come back from the doctor. I had these spots biopsied and would not get my results back until I was already a few days into the wilderness. I remember naively thinking, this is it… This was the crucial time that God had chosen for me to really do my best work before I “had to go”. Although I was incorrect about my diagnosis, I was correct that God was going to change me: but through life, rather than death.

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For most of us, in our short lives, we want to make an impact one way or another. As I mentioned in my previous entry, a couple weeks ago at The Red Conference (and also the most recent sermon), our lead pastor, Shawn Johnson spoke to us about this topic. Shawn had us imagine a funeral: when we die, we want to have people lined up around the microphone telling stories of how we impacted their lives and the lives of others.

This image Shawn created in my mind made me think about what my funeral would look like, right now. Sure my close friends and family would be there, but how many would be there whose eternities I changed? Who I had confidence would meet me in heaven when it was their time to pass on, as well?

This thought scares me the most, for most of my close friends do not believe in Jesus. And as we know in scripture it says,

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (ESV)

John 14:6

It is a terrifying thought: that the people you love most in this world may not live in eternal peace and happiness with you someday. Which made me come back to my original thought: there is no way I can leave this Earth right now – I haven’t been able to share my story with enough people in hopes to change their eternity.

I believe we can learn a lot from the Gospels and in the way that Jesus interacted with His disciples, those closest to Him. In John chapter 21, Jesus speaks with His disciples for the final time, after being resurrected and before returning to Heaven. In this, Jesus tells us what we should do if we truly love Him:

He said to him the third time,“Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.” (ESV)

John 21:17

What are we doing with everything the Lord has blessed us with? Are we sitting around, comfortably, ignoring His sheep? Losing them or letting them wander too far?

Because the truth is, this is not a game… Life is not a game! Those you love most in this world will die one day, just like yourself. So I asked myself: how can I possibly live one more day without sharing this great news of eternal life through Jesus Christ? It seems so selfish to me, keeping it to myself. God has called us all to feed His sheep, so we may see each one in Heaven someday.

When it is my time to pass from my physical body into my eternal body, whether it be 75 days or 75 years from now, I want to look back and know that I did everything I could to make Heaven more crowded.

They called them back and warned them that they were on no account ever again to speak or teach in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John spoke right back, “Whether it’s right in God’s eyes to listen to you rather than to God, you decide. As for us, there’s no question—we can’t keep quiet about what we’ve seen and heard.” (MSG)

Acts 4:18-20

I cannot keep quiet for all I have seen Jesus do in my life and in those around me.

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–maddy.